So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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