I must be too annoying 4 u.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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