"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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