it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
