Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
