I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
