I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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