Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
