so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
