you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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