u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
