You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
