i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
