I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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