dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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