It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
