I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
