where am i from again
that's an acceptable place to lick
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
