bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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