areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
