Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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