so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I have post one night stand depression
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
