Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
