I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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