Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
