Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
