upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
