you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
