grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
