Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
