How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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