My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
