I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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