Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
