We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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