btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
