i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
