He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
