You're completely useless in the revolution.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
