So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
