Have you finally orgasmed yet?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
