Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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