batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
