morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Randomize
