hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
