I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The best revenge is premature balding
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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