I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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