My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
