im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
