Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
