So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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