I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
