I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
