You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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