so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
